Gym Jam

THE GYM VIRGIN HAS DONE IT KIDS!!!!!! THE BIG DAM BRIDGE AND I ARE NOW 1!!!!!!!!!

So Husband and I are coming back from April's and I tell him I am going to do the BDB thing once and for all. He says he will go to, only he is going to jog.

We get there and I need a bathroom. Today I started drinking more fluids and think I am going to explode. The BDB has a bathroom building, but dang it they have a closed sign on it. Next to the building is a port o potty. Well desperate times call for desperate measures. I put on my gloves and went in there. It was not as bad as I thought...it was worse. I will have to burn the gloves now, but oh well.

I can't find Husband and figured the man has already started jogging. I pull on my tobaggan and start the odyssey. Today, I am crossing this bad boy bridge off my list.

I walk and am doing pretty good...for about 3 minutes. The uphill starts to take its toll. I walk, I stop, I walk, I stop. I think if I can just get to the middle of the BDB I can sit on a bench and rest for a minute. I make the first curve of the BDB and want to die. I start thinking, why did I put this on my goal list? Why in the world did I try this BDB last summer? I must have been delusional.

I get to the center and park my bubble butt on the bench. I was there for about 30 seconds, when I started hearing the voices. I thought I heard the Husband telling me to get up and get moving. Then, I swear, I heard my sister in St. Louis, getting out her drill seargeant voice along with her whistle and I decided it was probably in my best interests to move it along.

I start the downhill slide and decide the BDB looks the same from this side as it does from the other side. I don't know what I thought would be over here, but this wasn't it. I got passed, TWICE, by a pack of old men who were reliving WWII and what should have been done. Then I got nearly run over by two idiots on racing bikes. I was kinda hoping they would crash. Then I got eyes rolled at by a gang of tween girls, talking on their phones and all but doing cartwheels on the BDB. Probably a bunch of cheerleaders. AGH.

Started the trek back over. Still haven't seen husband, but wonder if he is now in the car and if I don't come back will he come and get me? See some brush on the ground and think about building a fire and sending smoke signals to him. But, dang it, I don't have a match. I trudge on.

I get back to the middle of the BDB and again park my butt. At this point it starts to rain. After having fallen a year ago, in the rain, walking to work, I am petrified of that happening again. Literally petrified. I decide the comic Jerry Seinfeld is right. He says there is no difference between 'it's great' and 'it sucks.' Because at that moment I was thinking this sucks, but what I said out loud to the rain was Oh this is just great.

I decide it is time to haul myself off the bench and down the BDB before the downpour really starts. One foot in front of the other. I can do this. Finally, finally I see the end. I see Husband in the car and he is coming to meet me. Another 30 seconds, and it is all over.

I begin to think about the next time I will go to the BDB. After mulling it over, I suddenly wished I had a magic marker. Because I would have written on that Big Dam Bridge "The Gym Virgin was here and she ain't coming back. THE END"

Posted by Gym Virgin at 5:25 PM