Gym Jam

Well I slept with my cell phone in my hand because I didn't want to miss hearing the alarm for the 7:00 Big Dam Bridge workout with the St. Louis trainer nazi AKA my sister, Sherri. I wasn't about to be the one who wimped out, because I knew she would be the one banging on my door telling me to get it in gear! The alarm goes off and I sneak tippy toe into the living room and was estatic I didn't hear any sounds of life from the guest room. THE SISTER OVERSLEPT. Yippie Ki Yeah! No Big Dam Bridge workout!

Then she woke up.

And we strap on our smiley faces and tennis shoes and leave for the Big Dam Bridge. People, my sister does not have an "off" switch. She literally hits the ground running. I hit the ground, then stop, and think about how I am going to run, when I am going to run, and even if I am going to run!

We get to the bridge to which she informs me it is not a steep incline at all. I have to object here. I mean come on, I am practically going to be walking horizontally.

We start the walk. I am carrying my water bottle and my camera. I had already given Sister my car keys to carry for me. She says in 5 minutes we will stop and check my pulse. It has to be 20 beats per 10 seconds otherwise I am not burning fat. I thought this meant we would actually STOP. Oh no, trainer nazi meant we slow down and check our pulse while still going!!!!! My 1st check was at 18. "Ah Hah" she says. "This means you have to go faster!" Faster, crap I was already dragging and begging for mercy. I decide to lighten the load and gave Sister my water bottle to carry.

Second check was at 19. You guessed it, I have to go faster! We were fast approaching the middle way point where I might add they have nifty little benches, not that my butt got to sit on one. We paused for 3 seconds and then she commanded I had to keep going to the end of the flag line they had on the bridge. I had to lighten again, so I gave her my camera to carry. I would like to interject at this point I wanted to throw my sister off the Big Dam Bridge.

I trudge on. By this time she is carrying my car keys, my water bottle, and my camera. She is also walking, more like sprinting, backwards, watching me, telling me to pick up the pace, and TALKING ON THE PHONE. When the last flag is visible to me I wanted to turn around. NO NO She said, I have to go all the way to the flag. I have to be lined right up with the stinking flag. I then surmised the walk down the incline would be a piece of cake. But heck no. Sister says I have to walk even faster because now we are going down hill!!! I am now thinking Sister missed her calling as a drill sargeant in the Marines.

We get all the way off the bridge and I am thinking collapse time but oh no no no. Sister says we have to walk along the path by the river and then walk back up that. I am telling you this woman does not know the meaning of the word STOP. She's blathering on about heart rate and what I need to be doing and what if she lived here and we could do this every day. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

To put it lightly, if Sister lived in Little Rock and did the workout with me everyday...I would have already lost 50 lbs. I would be dead, but thinner. The scary thing is I know she is going to be calling me about this week's workout. I already hear her voice in my head saying "Faster, Faster, Faster." She's already planning my next weekend's walk all the way across the Big Dam Bridge. AGH!!!!!

P.S. I love you, Sister!

Posted by Gym Virgin at 10:21 PM